Chapter 2: Existence of the Other Form
What is this? Where am I? What body is this? Do I exist in many forms or is this another form I’ve adapted and taken apart? I don’t know what's happening to me, with this new feeling I've endured since meeting ███ ; I feel like a second being. What is this feeling? Why do I force myself to be someone in front of ███ ? Why does my body move when I tell it not too? Why does my voice speak when I tore it out of my body? Why do my eyes bore into ███ soul when I’ve poured acid into it? This feeling ███ has on me; is it love or manipulation? My heart which still beats when █████ near has stopped for me. Am I dead or is this a dream? Does the God above want to control the strings of my life through this… █████? Am I ███ new host? Or shall it say an old cocoon that's been used? My head feels like it's filled with worms… crawling into every crevice of my skull. I don't think this is my body anymore… For when I move, I take a step back and return where I was once before. It's like a repeating cycle that's so troublesome to break. Not even my eyes can make up the images floating around my mind. As it changes each time, I move even slightly.
Dark… everything. I can’t see past my own soul. The world around me has gone silent. I don’t remember what previously happened, was I always asleep? Did I die? No, I’m not dead… yet. I opened my eyes, I was back in my biology classroom. I leaned back in my chair, staring at the ceiling; I feel like I’m forgetting something… I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around to see one of my classmates with a mischievous smile ; Melvin. “Hey, Arthur.” he leaned back in his chair and kicked up his feet “Oh, you're surprisingly here… on time.” I sigh and turn my seat. “I heard there was a new █████ coming to the school, a freshman from out of state.”Melvin smiled and punched my shoulder “You can finally get some girls, man!”. I sigh, I don't even feel like forcing myself to get someone to love me. “And why do you think I'll pick this girl out, dude?” I look at Melvin with tiredness. “Do you expect me to hook up with every girl you see!?” I raise my voice for him to hear. “Nah dude, just making sure you have a chick before prom,” Melvin laughed again. I rolled my eyes and turned back around, ignoring his teasing. Minutes passed, and the teacher hadn't returned yet. I stared out the window in boredom. A sudden commotion catches my attention outside the hall, I quickly scramble out of my desk and leave. I listened for sounds, giggling, and the squeaking of shoes on the floor that came in front of me towards the right. I walked down and turned the corner; I saw two jocks and a cheerleader from our Football team. I observed from behind to see what was happening. “They're blocking the way, what the hell are they doing!?” I walk closer to take a closer look, but still of course, being stealthy. “There! Is that..? Is that…█ ███████ ██ ████?” who in their mind would come into the school dressed like a blueberry!? I decided to walk towards them, I shoved the two girls out of the way and I peeked behind the jock’s shoulder. █ ██████ ████ ████ █████████ ███ ████ █████████ █████ ████ ███ ████ ███ ████████ ████████ ████ ██ █████ █████ . He looked down at me and smiled “Yo! Wassup man.” he punched my shoulder “You haven’t been to basketball practice in a while,”. God, not that shoulder- Jesus why does EVERYONE do that!? I looked up and noticed the guy; it had to be the guy who likes to wear his gosh darn sports shoes to school. “Hi… uhh… Micheal?” I put on a fake smile “Yeah, kinda like, doing community service and it got in the way of practice,”. Micheal sighed “Totally.” he then pointed to the ███████ “Hey wanna help record a video for Tik Tok?”. “I uhh… I don’t do Tik Toks-"You're gonna help us film one,” he cut me off and shoved his phone into my hand. “Hey dude get a good angle on this,” he shoved a bunch of cinnamon powder down the ████████ throat and forced them to swallow it. I stared back in disgust, the two cheerleaders were laughing behind me as they were trying to hype Micheal. “Say you think ███ could handle a toilet swirlie?” he gripped █████ ███ ████ ███ ██████ ███ ██, the cheerleaders continued to laugh as I just stood there frozen and watched. █ ████I didn’t even care to notice that.
Notice…what? What am I looking at? Why can’t I remember…? Why is everything… blank? What were they laughing about…? Why did I… leave… What is this feeling that makes me… forget everything? I can feel ███████ watching me from afar… Yet I can’t see who it is, is this the ███████ one that they were laughing at? What… No… I can’t remember anything. My mind… █████████ is stopping me… It won’t let me talk… I can’t talk… Someone… HELP ME. THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH M-
There is nothing wrong with me, I was overreacting… The jocks and the cheerleaders were probably laughing at a joke on their phones… Yes… I remember that well… “You guys wanted me to film a TikTok?” I ask stepping forward with Micheal’s phone. “Yeah, we wanna try this new TikTok trend that's been going around,” he laughed “Though it’s weird asking a freshman to film Juniors dancing,”. The two cheerleaders laughed “It’ll be quick though! We should go somewhere like… quiet,”. They both looked at each other and smiled “The only place I know would be the bathrooms, everyone does EVERYTHING in there.” They ran up to Micheal, whispering to him. He smiled and turned to me “Come along, we have an idea to do,”.
I followed them down the hallway, most of the classrooms we passed were empty. It was weird, it was school hours but nobody seemed to be attending them. “Focus Arthur, you're slowing down!” I shook my head to wipe away the thought I had and ran towards them. “Dude, what's been on your mind for you to stop so abruptly?” Micheal looked at me as we continued to walk “What? You got someone on your mind?”. I pause “What!? No! What are you talking about?” I rush past them, trying to hurry to the bathrooms to avoid more questions “You have some explaining to do later on Arthur!”. I make it into the bathroom, catching my breath. The three slowly caught up with me and stared “You ran to avoid a question Arthur?” Micheal scoffed as he walked past me “Jesus, you really do have a problem on your mind…”. They walked towards the end of the stalls “Hey this is a nice sp-” The bathroom door creaked open, and the three turned around and froze. “H-hey what's going on? Guys?” I walked towards them, their eyes were bulging out of their sockets. Was the thing they saw that bad? What are they even looking at? I stood next to them, poking their arms, but none wouldn't budge. “Why are you guys frozen in place? It's like you've seen a g-” I turned towards the stall and froze.
“Oh my god… No…No… WHAT IS THIS!?”. I fell onto the floor, the door of the stall was wide open; the scene that stood before me was something I shouldn’t be seeing…. A dead student, limping over the toilet. They seemed to be there for a while, how long… has it been there…? I crawled closer, pulling their head out of the toilet bowl; my eyes widened as I recognized the face. Malum…?
My head spins as the words of her name come out of my mouth, blood-curdling screams surround me. I can’t even see what's in front of me anymore, it's just a vast mix of colors that I can’t name. “WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!” I scream as I hold my ears “MAKE IT STOP!”. A forceful blunt knocked me by the top of my head, I fell onto the floor hard and my eyes shut. I was still somewhat conscious, hearing whispers surrounding me slowly, but my eyes couldn’t see or even imagine what was in front of me. But I felt this overwhelming feeling of dejection, my heart felt like it was exploding just there. This feeling felt heavy over my body, like the pressure of dragging elephants by a thread. But then that all went away when I felt something wrap around my neck, its breathing was heavy. It got closer to my ear and louder its breath came. “You aren’t really in your body, your true form,” it chuckled. Yet a form where you may observe but not control, like a virtual reality. Let me explain it to you…
You experience pain twice in two forms, yet this body you hold is just a host for someone else. You exist through the physical and mental states of the mind. Yet the mind is always hidden away because it is what is true to you, but the solid form of you is controlled by some other being out of your reach. Like strings on a marionette, it controls every little thing you do, it watches you from every space it can squeeze into. Do not think of me as something you want, yet something you yearn to be. You can watch me destroy every little thing you worked for, while you're confined to an empty and dark space in your mind… The echoes of your please will not be heard but will be remembered…
I wake up, gasping for air, sweat trickling down my body. I groan “What the hell just happened…?” I stand up, but I nearly fall down “Something must’ve knocked the wind outta me…”. I observe the place I’m in: a dark and echoey room filled with each hue pulsating with energy. Bright reds, electric blues, and vibrant yellows flash in rapid succession, creating a kaleidoscope effect that dances across the walls. The lights flicker like fireflies, casting playful shadows that seem to move with a life of their own. “Oh my- Okay, this is- Okay this is something,” I chuckle nervously “Okay but why do these move so- oh- NO WAY!”. I look closer into the light; in this surreal sanctuary, I come to realize that these colors are not merely a spectacle; they are a manifestation of my psyche, a celebration of my life’s narrative. Each flash serves as a reminder of who I am and the experiences that have shaped me. But there are some that stick out, static colors that pop out more than others; are they my forgotten memories? “Did I die or-” You did not die, Arthur a voice interrupts me “Who- Who's there!?” I turn around and stare into the darkness. “Well? TALK! I know you're there!” I scream. The voice you are hearing is I, me, and you. Our mind is placed in three different perspectives to survive in this world. I am talking to me and you are talking to me. But yet merely to make it seem understandable, you are talking to yourself. “What-” It's crazy I know? Talking to yourself? Does that make sense? It's like hearing something but you can't see it. That's funny… “Is this third person talking?” I-I dunno, I guess? I don’t know how it works anyway lol! I stare up into the ceiling- or whatever is above me “So, you're just my conscience?” I guess yeah? You can put it that way, I dunno how else it would make you understand what it is. “So do you know everything about my mind including its memories and thoughts?” Yes “Then tell me what these are.” I point to the static colors. That is something we can not speak of “What do you mean? Can’t you remember what these are!?” We can't speak of it. “But you know most of my memories and thoughts! How do you not remember the piece that lies there!?”. It was silent, it felt empty as the minutes passed slowly. But then I started to hear the static “What's that noise?” I looked around W-we can’t s-speak of it, w-we can’t speak of it, w-w-w-w-we can’t speak of it “Are you okay?” C-can’t say, she’ll hear, she’ll know- she’ll- “She’ll what? Who is she?” S-she knows… she knows what the static holds s-she k-k-knows; then it when silent.
The place around me begins to shake, the mind begins to fall apart and so does the floor. I stare down as the cracks form revealing a starry void before me. My instincts would be to turn around and run for Pete's sake, but I stayed and watched everything plummet into the darkness before me. Though the things that went into my head didn’t fear me, it amazed me. Was the thought of falling forever some sort of way of escapism or just a way where I’ll be alone with my thoughts for years to come? Heh, only time will tell. As the cracks begin to appear faster and soon, I fall through and into the darkness. But I don’t scream and let my tears roll out. Do you know what I feel about these forms within me? I see them as another person that I hide from people, all the things I'm embarrassed, ashamed, and terrified of. That is what made these things, from the hatred of being alive to the thoughts of wanting to be loved, it is what made this being come to be and yet it terrifies me that I did this and not anyone else. I've done these things to myself and this is the effect. Maybe I should've paid more attention to the little details in everything that I see and read. Sigh, I wonder how long this death will come… I'm getting bored of falling forever. Is this what people go through when they're in that state of mind; like when they took some sort of substance I suppose?
I don’t even know if time moves here, I know many minutes have passed but nothing seems to change. The only sound that brings me hope is that gush of random air that comes through every fifteen minutes. I close my eyes and think to myself, how to entertain myself for the time being. But then suddenly, my vision gets flashed by a white glow. “OW! SON OF A-” I rub my eyes and I’m met with a surreal great “Woah… what is this?”. Cracked pieces of my memories float around me, and the movement within it becomes clearer than how it was before. “I can actually see what these are, they're not blurry anymore…” I swim towards one of the memories and hold onto it. “What is this all about?” I stick my hand on it and it goes through “WOAH!”. I quickly pulled it out “Okay, well this seems out of those really old movies where you could go into mirrors and crap…”. I go inside and fall onto the ground “OH MY GOD! FINALLY!” I cry tears of joy “SOLID GROUND!”. I look up to see my surroundings, a warm living room with stairs in front of me; tints of orange, yellow, and green color the place. I get up and dust myself off. “Okay, I guess I should explore” I walk around the place, and into the kitchen, I see a pair: a mother and… a child. I hide behind the wall, but I don't think they could even see me anyway. “What would you like to eat ██████?” the woman said “I can make your favorite,”. I can’t see her face, as her back is facing me “Make me spaghetti mama!” the child shouts “But make a lot so daddy can have enough too.”. The mother chuckled, “Daddy will always have enough.” She walked towards the cupboards and grabbed pasta and cans of tomato sauce. She places them on the counter and wash her hands. “Can you grab the meat, please?” her tone of voice was so kind… Why does it sound so familiar? The child ran towards the fridge and gave her the meat. I didn’t see his face either. “Mama, will I ever see you two again?” the child giggled “I feel so lonely without you,”. This change in tone was… uncomfortable and weird. “Oh honey, you know that I am dead… and yet you still believe the fact that I’m still here.” both of their faces turned my way, their eyes were crossed out and their smiles were stretched to the top of their head “isn’t that right, Arthur?” they both said in sync. They begin to laugh, distortedly. It is growing loudly every second, it's mocking me…
My eyes widen as the world around me begins to flash images of horror. Each image appears with retched sounds and images. No matter how hard I tried to close my eyes, they didn’t want to close… My body won’t move, no matter how terrified I am. I wanted to run, run fast away from here, but I stayed in place as I watched everything. My mouth… I felt like I didn’t have one… but I needed to scream so badly…
Someone… save me… I CAN’T TAKE THIS TORTURE ANYMORE.
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